Create A Life You Love – An Additional Five Self-Defeating Attitudes to Leave Behind

Introduction

In our second podcast episode, we discussed how to Break Free From Self-Defeating Patterns – Five Negative Mindsets To Leave Behind (episode link here).  I want to share five additional and common self-defeating patterns including chasing unrealistic expectations, doubting yourself, people pleasing, blaming others and not letting go.

Let us explore the negative effects of these additional negative patterns and provide tips and strategies for breaking free from them and adopting a more positive and realistic outlook. Whether you’re struggling with unrealistic expectations, self-doubt or the inability to let go of past grudges, this blog will provide valuable insights and guidance on how to overcome these self-defeating patterns and improve your overall well-being.  Here are five additional negative thought patterns to leave behind.

Chasing

Chasing after things that are out of reach can be self-defeating because it sets unrealistic expectations and can lead to feelings of inadequacy or disappointment when we do not meet those expectations.  

This type of mindset sets us up for disappointment and can lead to feelings of inadequacy or failure when we do not meet those unrealistic expectations. It can also be draining and time-consuming to constantly strive for something that is ultimately unattainable, which can prevent us from focusing on more attainable goals or finding happiness and fulfillment in other areas of our lives. 

In order to break free from this self-defeating mindset, it is important to recognize when our goals or expectations are unrealistic and to adjust them accordingly. It is also important to practice self-compassion and to recognize that it is okay to make mistakes or to not meet every single goal that we set for ourselves. By focusing on progress rather than perfection, we can move forward with a more positive and realistic outlook.

Doubting Yourself

Self-doubt is defined as a lack of confidence in oneself and one’s abilities. It can be self-defeating as this mindset prevents us from pursuing our goals and dreams and can lead to feelings of inadequacy and disappointment.

An example of how self-doubt can hold us back include not applying for a job or promotion because we believe we are not qualified or capable.  Another example is not trying new things or stepping out of our comfort zone because we are afraid of failure.  Believing that others are more talented or deserving of success than we are is the exact thinking that continues the downward self doubt mentality.

To boost self-confidence and overcome self-doubt, here are a few tips:

• Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and experiences failure at some point. 
• Set realistic goals and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small they may be. 
• Surround yourself with supportive and positive people who believe in you and your abilities. 
• Seek feedback from others and use it as an opportunity to learn and grow. 
• Practice positive affirmations and remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments. 
• Take care of yourself and prioritize self-care, as this can help boost your self-esteem and confidence.

People Pleasing

People pleasing is the act of trying to please others by altering your behavior and opinions in order to gain approval. It can lead to anxiety, low self-esteem and an inability to make decisions on your own. 

People pleasing can be a sign of codependency which is an unhealthy relationship dynamic in which one person relies on another for emotional support. People pleasers may also be more likely to experience guilt or shame when they do not meet other people’s expectations. In order to break free from people pleasing behaviors, it is important to recognize the underlying causes and work towards building self-confidence and independence.

Blaming Others

Blaming Others: In relationships, workplace and other social contexts, placing the blame on others is a common issue. It is a coping mechanism that enables us to avoid accepting accountability for our own deeds and errors. We feel more in control of our life and are able to feel better about ourselves when we place the blame on others.

However this practice may have unfavorable effects including strained relationships and guilt. For us to have better connections with those around us, it is critical to be aware of the times when we are blaming others and to focus on correcting this behavior.

Not Letting Go

Holding onto grudges, dwelling on past mistakes or relationships can weigh heavily on an individual and hinder their ability to move forward and live in the present moment.

This type of mindset can lead to feelings of bitterness, resentment and anger which can easily have negative impacts on mental health and well-being.  This mentality also prevent individuals from learning from their mistakes and growing as individuals. 

In order to move forward and fully embrace the present moment, it is important to let go of grudges, learn from past mistakes and focus on forgiveness and self-improvement. This can involve seeking support from friends or a therapist, practicing mindfulness and finding healthy ways to cope with and process negative emotions. By letting go and focusing on the present, individuals can find a greater sense of peace and fulfillment in their lives.

Conclusion

Self-defeating and negative thought patterns can hold us back from reaching our goals and living the life we truly want. Whether it’s chasing unrealistic expectations, doubting ourselves, people pleasing, blaming others or not letting go, these patterns can have negative impacts on our mental and emotional well-being.

By recognizing these patterns and making a conscious effort to change them, we can break free from them and move forward in a positive direction. Setting realistic goals, practicing self-compassion, seeking support and taking care of ourselves, we can boost our confidence, improve our relationships and learn from our mistakes. By focusing on progress rather than perfection and learning to let go of things that are out of our control, we can live in the present and find happiness and fulfillment in our lives. Remember that change is not easy but it’s possible with the right mindset and a positive attitude.