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The Decision Deluge Why We Struggle to Choose

Introduction

Have you ever found yourself paralyzed in the face of a decision, unable to choose between two equally compelling options? Do you often second-guess your choices, wondering if you’ve made the right call? Why does making decisions sometimes feel like an insurmountable challenge?

As a life and career coach with 30 years of experience in IT and corporate environments, I’ve seen countless professionals grapple with these very questions. We will explore the factors that cloud our judgment and offer strategies to help you navigate the decision-making deluge with greater clarity and confidence.

The Overwhelming Factors

1. Information Overload

In today’s digital age, we are bombarded with information from every direction. Whether it’s through emails, social media, news outlets, or the ever-present smartphone, the sheer volume of data we process daily is staggering. This constant influx of information can lead to analysis paralysis, where we become so overwhelmed by the available data that making a decision feels impossible.

*Example:* Consider a project manager who needs to choose the best project management software for their team. With dozens of options, each offering a plethora of features and user reviews, the manager spends weeks researching and comparing, unable to commit to a single choice. In the meantime, project deadlines slip, and team productivity suffers.

2. Fear of Making the Wrong Choice

Fear is a powerful emotion that often influences our decisions. The fear of failure or making a wrong choice can be paralyzing, leading us to avoid making decisions altogether. This is particularly true in professional settings where the stakes are high, and the repercussions of a poor decision can be significant.

Ex: An executive is offered a new job opportunity at a prestigious company. Despite the potential for career growth, they hesitate to accept the offer, fearing the possibility of failing in a new and unfamiliar environment. As a result, they remain in their current role, missing out on an opportunity for advancement and personal growth.

3. Biases and Heuristics

Our brains rely on cognitive shortcuts, known as heuristics, to simplify decision making. While these shortcuts can be helpful, they also introduce biases that cloud our judgment. Confirmation bias, anchoring, and availability bias are just a few examples of how our minds can lead us astray.

Ex: A marketing director is tasked with launching a new product. They heavily rely on past successful campaigns (availability bias) and are resistant to considering new approaches. This leads to a launch strategy that fails to resonate with the current market, resulting in disappointing sales.

4. Emotional Influence

Emotions play a significant role in decision making. While it’s essential to consider how we feel about our choices, allowing emotions to dominate can lead to impulsive or irrational decisions. Balancing emotional input with rational analysis is crucial for sound decision making.

An IT manager needs to choose between two vendors for a critical software implementation. Despite one vendor having a better track record and lower cost, the manager chooses the other vendor based on a personal relationship with their sales representative. The project eventually runs into issues, costing the company time and money.

Strategies to Improve Decision Making

1. Limit Your Options

When faced with too many choices, narrow them down to a manageable number. Research suggests that having fewer options can lead to more satisfying decisions. Create a list of criteria that are most important to you and eliminate options that don’t meet these criteria.

Action: If you’re choosing a new software for your team, start by listing the top five features that are non-negotiable. Use these criteria to narrow your options to a shortlist of three to five candidates. This approach reduces overwhelm and helps you focus on the most critical factors.

2. Embrace a Decision-Making Framework

Using a structured approach to decision making can help mitigate biases and ensure a more thorough evaluation of options. Frameworks like SWOT analysis (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats) or the Pros and Cons list can provide clarity and facilitate more objective decision making.

Action: When faced with a significant decision, create a SWOT analysis to evaluate each option comprehensively. This method forces you to consider all angles and reduces the likelihood of overlooking critical factors.

3. Seek Diverse Perspectives

Incorporate input from others to broaden your perspective and challenge your assumptions. Discussing your options with colleagues, mentors, or trusted advisors can reveal insights you may have missed and help you see the decision from different angles.

Action: Before making a final decision on a major project, gather feedback from team members with diverse expertise. Encourage open dialogue and consider their insights seriously. This collaborative approach can lead to more innovative and well-rounded decisions.

Conclusion

Decision making is an inherent part of both personal and professional life, yet it’s often fraught with challenges. By recognizing the factors that cloud our judgment and implementing strategies to address them, we can make more informed and confident decisions.

Remember, the key to better decision making lies in balancing information, managing emotions, and seeking diverse perspectives. With practice and a structured approach, you can navigate the decision-making deluge with greater ease and achieve more satisfying outcomes in your career and life.

Achieving Mental Freedom in the Face of Adversity – The Journey to Inner Peace

Introduction

Mental freedom is a state of being in which an individual is able to think, feel and act in a way that is authentic and true to themselves.  You should be free from the constraints of societal expectations, cultural norms or personal fears and doubts. Mental freedom is a state of inner peace, self-awareness, self-acceptance and it’s a vital aspect of your overall well-being and happiness.

There are many factors that can contribute to mental freedom and the journey towards achieving it is different for everyone.  Some people find that practicing mindfulness, setting healthy boundaries or seeking support from friends and loved ones helps them achieve inner peace. Others may find that therapy, medication or other forms of self-care are necessary to manage mental health challenges that are holding them back.

To position oneself for mental freedom, one needs to possess four essential qualities.  These include: ability to be being authentic, setting boundaries, making sound choices and practicing mindfulness.

Being Authentic

Being genuine and honest to oneself is a crucial component of mental freedom. Being authentic is the ability to be true to yourself.  This entails having the freedom to communicate your ideas, sentiments and beliefs without worrying about criticism or rejection. Additionally, it necessitates the fortitude to face difficulties and criticism in order to be open and vulnerable with others.

Authenticity also involves being honest with oneself about one's own needs, desires and values. It requires you taking the time to reflect on what is truly important to you and making choices that align with those values rather than trying to fit into someone else's expectations or conform to societal norms.

Being true to oneself however is not always an easy task. It might be difficult to let go of the mask that we wear and the roles that we play in order to be our true selves. This requires courage and vulnerability to share our authentic selves with the world even if it means facing challenges or criticism.

When we are able to fully embrace our authentic selves, we feel more confident and self-assured. We feel more comfortable in our own skin and are able to connect more deeply with others.  We are able to live our lives more fully and more authentically brings a sense of joy, fulfillment and happiness.

Setting Boundaries

A second but equally important aspect of mental freedom is the ability to set healthy boundaries. This means learning to say no when something does not align with your values or is not in your best interest. This also means knowing when to take a break or set limits on your time and energy in order to prioritize your own well-being.

Setting healthy boundaries can be especially important in relationships whether they be romantic, professional, platonic or familial. It is important to communicate your needs and boundaries clearly and respect and understand the boundaries of others. This will help create a sense of mutual respect and understanding which is essential for maintaining healthy and fulfilling relationships.

In addition to being authentic and setting healthy boundaries, mental freedom also involves being able to let go of negative thoughts and emotions that may hold you back. Examples include self-doubt, fear or resentment. Letting go of these negative thoughts can be a challenging process however it will be incredibly freeing and empowering. For many this may involve seeking support from a therapist or other mental health professional.  Perhaps it means finding alternative but healthy ways to cope with stress and difficult emotions.  For me, I take a long drive along scenic routes.  This allows me to clear my mind, focus on what I am doing and puts my mind at ease as I only think about and enjoy my own company the the world passing by, one mile at a time.

Making Choices

You are a totality of all of the choices you have made in your life.  You have to accept that, for better or worse.  Mental freedom is linked to the ability to make the most sound choices that align with your values and goals. This means being able to reflect on what is most important to you and making decisions that align and                      support those values even if they may be difficult or unpopular. This also involves being able to assess potential consequences and make objective and informed choices that prioritize your own well-being and happiness. Setting healthy boundaries can be an important part of this process as it allows you to protect your time and energy for the things that matter most to you.

This means having the autonomy to decide what is best for you rather than feeling pressured or influenced by external factors or any expectations of others. When we are able to make choices that are true to ourselves.  This will bring a sense of clarity, purpose and fulfillment to our lives.

Making choices is much easier said than done. Many of us may feel constrained by societal norms, expectations from others or our own insecurities or fears. When practicing sound objectivity, one strives to made decisions based on sound, rational, impartial and factual information.  In order to truly be mentally free, it's important to also take the time to reflect on your personal values and what is most important to you. This may involve exploring new experiences, seeking out mentors or role models, or simply taking a few moments each day to quiet the mind and tune into your own thoughts and feelings.

Another aspect of mental freedom is the ability to let go of negative thoughts, feelings or behaviors that may be holding you back. This includes learning to manage stress, anxiety or any other mental health challenges in healthy, productive, growth producing ways. It may also involve learning to forgive yourself or others and letting go of all grudges or any resentment. By letting go of these negative patterns we make room for more positive and fulfilling experiences in our lives.

Practicing Mindfulness

The final important component of mental freedom is mindfulness. Bringing awareness to the present moment without judgment or attachment is a key component of mindfulness.  Incorporating an objective way of thinking is greatly beneficial in understanding perspective and aids in mindfulness.  This will help people feel more present and anchored. This can also help people feel less stressed and have better overall health.

There are numerous ways to practice mindfulness. Activities  include meditating, practicing yoga, another one of my favorite activities, or even just setting aside some time each day to pay attention to your breathing or to the beauty of the natural world. Finding a practice that works for you and incorporating it regularly into your daily routine are the essential points here.

Seeking support from friends and loved ones is an important aspect on your journey towards mental freedom. Surrounding oneself with positive, supportive people can help provide a sense of connection and belonging.  Vitally important during times of stress or challenges.

For those looking to overcome obstacles or develop better self-awareness and understanding, therapy can be a potent tool. For a long time, it was thought to be taboo, even embarrassing to seek therapy.  Backwards thinking, do not fall into that trap nor thinking.  Also understand there are numerous varieties of treatment available so it's critical to discover the therapy and perhaps therapist who will be a good fit for your requirements and objectives.

Summary

Ultimately, the journey towards mental freedom is different for everyone.  It first involves learning to be authentic and true to oneself.  It additionally involves exploring new experiences, setting healthy boundaries, letting go of negative feelings and resentment, seeking support from friends and loved ones and finding healthy ways to manage mental health challenges. Whatever approach you take, it is important to remember that this is a lifelong process and it is okay to take things at your own pace.

Make the sound choice and increase your mindfulness for your mental freedom.

The Power of Authenticity – Why Being Genuine is Key to Success

Introduction

Being genuine is more crucial than ever in a world where social media and online personalities may easily appear to be phony.  Authenticity means putting less of an effort into trying to fit in with what other people or society demand of you. and being your true self.  We will discuss the advantages of being your authentic self and provide advice on how to do it in 2023.

The Benefits of Being Your Authentic Self

One benefit of authenticity is that it can lead to increased personal and professional success. When you are genuine and authentic, you are more likely to be perceived as trustworthy and reliable which is important in building successful relationships and advancing in your career. Being authentic also allows you to be more confident in your abilities and decisions as you are not second-guessing yourself or trying to fit a certain mold. This can lead to better performance and greater achievement in both your personal and professional endeavors.

Authenticity can help to create a sense of fulfillment and personal satisfaction. When you are true to who you are and what you believe in, you are more likely to be happy and content with your life. This can be especially important in a world where there is often pressure to conform to certain standards or expectations. By being your authentic self, you can find greater meaning and purpose in your life which will contribute to overall well-being and happiness.

Being authentic can not only help you personally but also have a beneficial effect on the environment around you.  Authenticity and honesty can spread to people around you when you lead by example. When you are true to who you are others will be more likely to be inspired to follow in your footsteps.

Tips for Embracing Your Authentic Self in 2023

Here are some pointers to get you started if you want to accept your true self in 2023:

Reflect on your values and beliefs

Spending some time reflecting on your ideas and values is one way to start finding your real self. You can begin to get a clearer understanding of who you are and what matters to you most by concentrating on these topics. This can assist you in ensuring that your decisions and actions reflect your beliefs and guiding principles which are crucial steps toward leading an authentic and sincere life. Making decisions that are true to who you are rather than attempting to be someone you believe you should be can also be beneficial. You may better navigate life and make decisions that move you closer to living an authentic life by adhering to your values and ideals.

Practice self-acceptance

Self-acceptance is a crucial part of being your authentic self. It means accepting and embracing all aspects of yourself including your flaws and imperfections. It can be easy to focus on our weaknesses and try to hide them but it is important to remember that everyone has flaws and it is okay to be imperfect. By practicing self-acceptance, you can learn to be more accepting and understanding of others as well. This can help to create a more positive and authentic atmosphere in your relationships and interactions with others. In order to practice self-acceptance try giving yourself some time to reflect on your unique qualities and characteristics. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and honest about your weaknesses and try to focus on your strengths as well.

Set boundaries

It is essential to understand that setting boundaries allow you to protect yourself and your authenticity. When you set boundaries, you are saying that there are certain things that you are not willing to do or accept as this helps to prevent others from taking advantage of you or asking you to do things that go against your values. It is crucial to express your needs and wants to others since it enables you to be open and honest about your needs and wants as well as your actual emotions. This can help to create deeper and more meaningful relationships as it allows others to understand and appreciate you for who you truly are. Setting boundaries and communicating your needs and desires are key components of being your authentic self as they allow you to protect and express your true self.

Take risks

When you are willing to step out of your comfort zone it can open up new opportunities for growth and discovery. This may involve trying new things such as hobbies or activities that are outside of your normal routine.  It may entail exploring new career paths that align with your passions and values. By embracing these new experiences, you can learn more about yourself and what you truly enjoy which can help you to be more authentic in your daily life. It is important to remember that taking risks and stepping out of your comfort zone does not mean you have to completely change who you are. It simply means that you are open to exploring new possibilities and trying new things, which can ultimately help you to be more true to yourself and your authentic self.

Surround yourself with supportive people

It is important to have a support system that helps you to be your authentic self because it can be a challenging journey. When you have people in your life who accept and encourage you as you are, it can give you the strength and confidence to embrace your true identity. These people can be friends, family or mentors who are supportive, uplifting and who inspire you to be your best self. Having a strong support system can make it easier to navigate the challenges that come with being your authentic self and it can help you to stay true to your values and beliefs.

Conclusion

Be nice and patient with yourself as you set out on this voyage of self-discovery. To fully embrace your genuine self may take some time but that is good. It will be worthwhile to live a life that is true to who you are so have faith in yourself and your journey.

Therefore, resolve to be your true self in 2023. The process could be difficult at times but it will be worthwhile in the end. You can forge deeper connections, achieve better success and feel a sense of meaning and joy by leading a genuine life. So give yourself the time to find out who you really are and then bravely and confidently accept it.

The Importance of Objective Thinking In Uncovering Your Passion

Finding one's passion can be a difficult but worthwhile experience. Some people find finding their passion to be oh so very easy, while others are persistent in their search. This can be, to put it mildly, irritating. It necessitates introspection, exploration, as well as a readiness to take chances and attempt new things. In order to properly evaluate new chances and ideas, we must be able to think objectively and be willing to put aside our preconceptions and preconceived assumptions. Perspective understanding, independence, and objectivity are required. In this manner, we are able to more accurately assess the possibilities of several courses and decide what would be the best course of action moving forward.

You could wonder: Why identify your passion? Well, you are more likely to engage fully, enjoy, and find fulfillment in your pursuits when you are enthusiastic about something. Having a passion can also motivate and inspire you to stay motivated and engaged in all areas of your life, to set and achieve newer, higher goals, and to be more resilient and persistent. In conclusion, discovering your passion can help you live a more fulfilled and contented life. A life with purpose leads to fulfillment and happiness; it is more complete than one without it.

Finding one's passion requires a lot of experimentation with new things. It enables us to expose ourselves to many concepts, pursuits, and individuals that we might not have otherwise encountered. This might open our eyes to talents and passions we never knew we possessed and help us see our beliefs and interests from a new angle.

Take baby steps: It's crucial to keep in mind that discovering your passion is a process that could take some time. Do not feel that you must immediately have all of your questions answered. Instead, experiment and take baby steps. It's okay if something doesn't work out; it's all a part of the process. It's critical to keep in mind that discovering your passion is a process that could take some time.

Reflecting on your values and interests might help you get important understanding of what actually inspires and excites you. You can start to determine what might make you happy and fulfilled by taking into account what is most important to you, what you like to do in your leisure time, and what subjects or activities you are naturally drawn to.

Your fundamental values serve as the tenets and principles that direct your behavior and choices. These principles may include things like decency, morality, empathy, respect, or justice. You can begin to focus on the types of job or activities that are consistent with your personal views and values by taking into account the values that are most important to you.

On the other side, your interests are the things or subjects that you innately like and find interesting. Sports, music, the arts, hobbies, and even academic disciplines may be among them. You can begin to uncover potential hobbies or career options that may complement your inherent interests and strengths by taking into account what fascinates you the most.

Consider the significance of having someone who has already achieved success in a profession that interests you to mentor and support you on your own journey while looking for mentors and role models. These people can offer insightful and important perspectives, as well as motivation and inspiration. It is important to gain perspective from other people who can offer further insight on that subject, not necessarily those who are directly involved in that profession.

Being patient enables us to be receptive to fresh experiences and chances. We can overlook or dismiss things that could potentially point us in the direction of our actual calling if we're in a haste to discover our passion. We may more completely evaluate the potential of several courses and determine which may be the best fit for us by exercising patience and taking the time to investigate various options.

Follow your gut and go with your heart. Finding your passion may require you to engage in this challenging yet rewarding process. It necessitates staying loyal to yourself and going after your passions, even though they may not be the most sensible or traditional ones. This can be particularly difficult in a society that frequently passes judgment and prioritizes safety and stability above all else.

In conclusion, discovering your passion is a journey that calls for introspection, inquiry, and a readiness to take chances and try new things. You can find what actually motivates and inspires you and lead a more fulfilled life by pursuing your principles and interests, looking for mentors and role models, taking baby steps, and taking calculated risks.

Create A Life You Love – An Additional Five Self-Defeating Attitudes to Leave Behind

Introduction

In our second podcast episode, we discussed how to Break Free From Self-Defeating Patterns – Five Negative Mindsets To Leave Behind (episode link here).  I want to share five additional and common self-defeating patterns including chasing unrealistic expectations, doubting yourself, people pleasing, blaming others and not letting go.

Let us explore the negative effects of these additional negative patterns and provide tips and strategies for breaking free from them and adopting a more positive and realistic outlook. Whether you’re struggling with unrealistic expectations, self-doubt or the inability to let go of past grudges, this blog will provide valuable insights and guidance on how to overcome these self-defeating patterns and improve your overall well-being.  Here are five additional negative thought patterns to leave behind.

Chasing

Chasing after things that are out of reach can be self-defeating because it sets unrealistic expectations and can lead to feelings of inadequacy or disappointment when we do not meet those expectations.  

chasing things out of reachThis type of mindset sets us up for disappointment and can lead to feelings of inadequacy or failure when we do not meet those unrealistic expectations. It can also be draining and time-consuming to constantly strive for something that is ultimately unattainable, which can prevent us from focusing on more attainable goals or finding happiness and fulfillment in other areas of our lives. 

In order to break free from this self-defeating mindset, it is important to recognize when our goals or expectations are unrealistic and to adjust them accordingly. It is also important to practice self-compassion and to recognize that it is okay to make mistakes or to not meet every single goal that we set for ourselves. By focusing on progress rather than perfection, we can move forward with a more positive and realistic outlook.

Doubting Yourself

Self-doubt is defined as a lack of confidence in oneself and one’s abilities. It can be self-defeating as this mindset prevents us from pursuing our goals and dreams and can lead to feelings of inadequacy and disappointment.

neve doubt yourselfAn example of how self-doubt can hold us back include not applying for a job or promotion because we believe we are not qualified or capable.  Another example is not trying new things or stepping out of our comfort zone because we are afraid of failure.  Believing that others are more talented or deserving of success than we are is the exact thinking that continues the downward self doubt mentality.

To boost self-confidence and overcome self-doubt, here are a few tips:

  • Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and experiences failure at some point. 
  • Set realistic goals and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small they may be. 
  • Surround yourself with supportive and positive people who believe in you and your abilities. 
  • Seek feedback from others and use it as an opportunity to learn and grow. 
  • Practice positive affirmations and remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments. 
  • Take care of yourself and prioritize self-care, as this can help boost your self-esteem and confidence.

People Pleasing

People pleasing is the act of trying to please others by altering your behavior and opinions in order to gain approval. It can lead to anxiety, low self-esteem and an inability to make decisions on your own. 

People pleasing can be a sign of codependency which is an unhealthy relationship dynamic in which one person relies on another for emotional support. People pleasers may also be more likely to experience guilt or shame when they do not meet other people’s expectations. In order to break free from people pleasing behaviors, it is important to recognize the underlying causes and work towards building self-confidence and independence.

Blaming Others

Blaming Others: In relationships, workplace and other social contexts, placing the blame on others is a common issue. It is a coping mechanism that enables us to avoid accepting accountability for our own deeds and errors. We feel more in control of our life and are able to feel better about ourselves when we place the blame on others.

However this practice may have unfavorable effects including strained relationships and guilt. For us to have better connections with those around us, it is critical to be aware of the times when we are blaming others and to focus on correcting this behavior.

Not Letting Go

Holding onto grudges, dwelling on past mistakes or relationships can weigh heavily on an individual and hinder their ability to move forward and live in the present moment.

This type of mindset can lead to feelings of bitterness, resentment and anger which can easily have negative impacts on mental health and well-being.  This mentality also prevent individuals from learning from their mistakes and growing as individuals. 

In order to move forward and fully embrace the present moment, it is important to let go of grudges, learn from past mistakes and focus on forgiveness and self-improvement. This can involve seeking support from friends or a therapist, practicing mindfulness and finding healthy ways to cope with and process negative emotions. By letting go and focusing on the present, individuals can find a greater sense of peace and fulfillment in their lives.

Conclusion

Self-defeating and negative thought patterns can hold us back from reaching our goals and living the life we truly want. Whether it’s chasing unrealistic expectations, doubting ourselves, people pleasing, blaming others or not letting go, these patterns can have negative impacts on our mental and emotional well-being.

By recognizing these patterns and making a conscious effort to change them, we can break free from them and move forward in a positive direction. Setting realistic goals, practicing self-compassion, seeking support and taking care of ourselves, we can boost our confidence, improve our relationships and learn from our mistakes. By focusing on progress rather than perfection and learning to let go of things that are out of our control, we can live in the present and find happiness and fulfillment in our lives. Remember that change is not easy but it’s possible with the right mindset and a positive attitude.

Three Years After I Went Anti-Social…Media

Social Media as a Parenting Tool

I made a deal with my sons when it came to college. They can pick any college provided it was at least one time zone away from me. For me, this allows them to be young men, on their own without having a parent there to ‘save’ them. Makes them grow up. I remember the day I saw my first son jumping into a lake with a his fellow freshman on what would be his first day of his college tenure in Lugano, Switzerland. My second son took a more conservative approach and went to school in the mid-west instead. I was perfectly fine with this because I knew although they were physically far, they were basically close because of social media.

Social media was made for this; connecting friends, families, together. I, like many other parents used social media to keep close to our kids, friends and family. Social media platforms were a great tool for this. As the functional expanded and more and more people got on to these platforms, the world did in a way get smaller. It was fantastic and reassuring I could get connected to my sons quickly and know what they are up to, who they are with, where in the world they were. One would think, “how can we live without it?” That was the problem. Can we?

I started to realize how dependent I was to social media. I would find myself waking up to see what was happening in my virtual world. I would scramble when I would hear that famous iPhone ‘ding’ that we have a new notification. It felt like I was addicted. I did not like that feeling. I would look at a list of hundreds of friends and have no meaningful conversations with the majority of them. I started having this feeling four years ago.

Since that time, I have progressively and aggressively been weening off social media and have been basically off social media for the last three years or so. How so many friendships have changed. The mere definition of ‘friendship’ has been altered.

Lake Lugano, Switzerland

I started to have second thoughts about social media when I began to realize I was getting addicted to it. I started to wake up just to look my iPhone to see what had gone on in the ‘online social world.’ Like many, I had hundreds, maybe thousands of ‘friends.’ As the platform was designed, these ‘friends’ would share life experiences, food, travel, thoughts, opinions, everything, anything. In the beginning, of course, we are all curious, we want to see and know what others are doing, experiencing; the good parts of social. For me, especially having a son in college which was overseas, I used social media as a tool to track and make sure my son was safe (like many parents I am certain). I began to realize, I was getting addicted to knowing everything everyone else was doing and posting. Additionally, I found these platforms knew me and when it started to recommend people to me, although I thought it was fascinating, I also realized, well you know, there are some people I DO NOT want to know anything about me. As an introvert, this was starting to be very concerning to me. 

I started to think about how much I was actually sharing and what could I derive from that information if I wanted to do something malicious. I was away in Europe and was posting all of the places I was at with my family unknowingly letting anyone know that my homes were empty and the chances of me getting home would be at least hours if not days. Another time, I took a picture of my new luxury car, now everyone and their mother knows the car I drive and if they wanted to do something, well they know what I drive. The list goes on and on. I knew eventually this social media tool was actually doing more damage than good and I began my retreat to become anti social-media.

Disappearing Social Media ‘Friends’

I knew the best way to become anti-social media was to delete all of the social applications (Facebook, Instagram, SnapChat, the list goes on). The only one I kept was LinkedIn because that to me has a direct focus. All others were gone. I deleted my accounts on those platforms as well. Essentially I ‘disappeared’ from the landscape. Those friends, my virtual friends, many of which I have never met in real life, quickly disappeared into the ether as quickly as they entered. Many of those friends who were not friends in real life, that connection closed once I deleted my accounts. 

NOT MY FRIEND LIST…

So were these ‘friends’ really friends? In this new landscape, the answer would be ‘yes.’ We formed relationships even though they are online but different (if you are say old enough to remember when there were no mobile phones). Back then, you had to call and talk to people. We met up, had a drink. Blind dates were actually ‘blind.’ There was no rating system, no ranking of how many ‘anything’ you had or didn’t have. No one cared, no one (nor company) made money on the fact that you and someone else were going on a date. Each of us was an enigma to one another. We had to want to get to know you. Pretty analog.

My ’In Real Life’ Friends

It‘s pretty interesting having friends whom are on social media when you are not. I realized that even when you are not on social media, your real life friendships are also affected and mine definitely were.

Some of my closet friendships remained and barely changed. Those friendships that were based on having analog or face-to-face communication did not suffer. We used technology as a tool to communicate plans not as a substitute. While they still maintained their social media presence, we would talk about what is happening in the real world. Could not talk about the post from so and so nor how many people commented on someone’s picture. Those conversations were shallow and rang hollow to me. Many times, I would be quiet and just listen to my friends speak about a social media ‘event’ that took place; someone liking someone else’s boyfriends picture and the rant that came afterwards. I would sit in awe, wondering why people cared so much about that.

A buddy of mine and I at the Finish Line at Tough Mudder

I did lose some real life friends which I thought was pretty crazy. These friends relationships have moved online (and with COVID-19, I could understand). Some of these friends could not understand why I was being so paranoid. Some others would ask me to log back in to actually see something (which I could not since I deleted my accounts). In some cases, we could not relate anymore. Our conversations were different; analog vs. digital, virtual vs. actual. We lost touch, virtually and literally. Social media became the de facto standard of communication for a generation and many, many others. Between Facebook Messenger, WhatsApp and others like it, if you are not on there, you are not ‘digitally alive.’ It is a shame really. Changing times changes paradigms, different perspectives. Friendship in the social media age changed everything, even the definition of ‘friend.’

Do I miss social media? Not at all. The tool that it technically is, I no longer trust with my information, my life. Yes, my friend space has become very small (unlike some folks whom have tens of thousands to tens of millions ‘friends’). I know I am in the minority and it is quite refreshing knowing that. I have no desire going back. It actually sounds selfish that I chose not to share my life with everyone and conversely not interested in watching you live your life through a screen. Life is too short, precious and unique for me to waste mine watching someone else’s. I share my life with those friends I know and hold dear, close to me. 

Voter Registration and Community Service Event

What I do miss, actual, physical friendship and human interaction. You see, to me, that is the only thing that is real that is left. No filters, plug-in’s, no animated GIF’s no filters. Just two humans enjoying each other’s company. Maybe I’m old school but I would not have it any other way.

To my friends, virtual or not, be safe and be well. I hope to see you again…in real life. 

Career Crossroads, When You Get Offered To Leave

You have a nice, steady role in a great company. You have been there forever it seems, rotating through different organizations, learning the way the company works, meeting new people, growing your institutional knowledge.  You have skilled up; learned the business, made great work friends and even more important, corporate partnership throughout.  You see many come and go, met plenty of consultants.  It feels great to be a company veteran in a solid company.

The House of Cards Starts to Tumble (Or Does It?)

Your company makes a few moves which seem inconsequential to you, or so you believe. They sell a building, they divest in a certain industry, there is a leadership change (or several).  This is what companies do, they move with the times, much like you have throughout your career there.

Then the unthinkable happens.  It starts with the organization (or company wide) listen-only conference call in the early morning.  Everyone you know is on the call listening attentively as your executive is laying out a plan to downsize, streamline and re-energize the organization. A deaf silence proceeds and the call is over.

Anxiously you reach out to your friends, colleagues, previous bosses to discuss the overall impact. You start to think, “Am I affected by these actions?”   You might start to wonder, maybe even second guess your career choices.  You do not stress things as you are working on a strategic company wide initiative.  You are in a business line that brings in revenue for the organization.  Your confidence swells, you see this as an opportunity.  The question is, what type of opportunity is it?

Opportunity Awaits (If You Can Identify It)

Soon enough, that company wide email goes out to the employees whom are both eligible and have been selected to take a voluntary package to separate.  If you land on this list, quite a few feelings rush through your body: anger, deceit, denial, disbelief, disloyalty, fear, joy.  You start to ask yourself, “should I take the deal or stay?”

Here is where you need to be true to yourself.  You have to take into account the relationship you have with the company, your history and reputation, your skills and how they play in this job market.  Now is the time you count the chips you have built for career:

  1. How many projects have I worked on which made significant organizational impact?
  2. Are you viewed as a subject matter expert in either technology, industry / business process?
  3. Have you established yourself as a collaborator, solution facilitator / provider.
  4. Are your skills transferable between teams, projects, organizations, industries?

Opportunities are very objective.  You have to be able to see far past the opportunity in of itself and strategize how you can maximize and convert an opportunity into your opportunity.  When looking internally, thinking about the long game is vitally important.  Conversely, this can be just the opportunity to leave (with a bag in hand) to trust your instincts, knowledge, experience and education and be the writer of your next chapter.

Jump At The Opportunity To Grow

Self growth is usually at the center of your professional career.  Money of course is important but you can only make more money as you skill up and provide additional value to the organization.  Although receiving the option for a package does not mean the company does not value you, it does give you an indication that the company is moving in a different / new direction.   As a person that is not afraid of change (I actually welcome it), confident in my abilities and always learning, I have always cherished transparency and having the choice to be part of change within the organization as well as the  ability to leave and pursue my own change (and getting paid for it).

Anytime a company goes through something like this, there is a paradigm shift.  This is a great way to set a new norm in the organization.  As this is happening within the organization, this is your time to think about what is your next growth spurt.  Are you aligned within your organization to continue your prosperity or is it time to cash out?  Now is a great time to think about what you desire out of your career.

There are no right answer whether to stay or to leave.  This is not a decision you can outsource.  This is a very personal decision, much as it is to get a new job, change careers or taking a package.  You can take it personal or you can take it objectively and strategize knowing the information you have on hand.  At the end, this is now your opportunity to make one of the bigger decisions in your career, maximize it.