How My Autistic Son Taught Me About Life

Bryce is the youngest of my four sons. He is like many young boys; he plays with his toys, likes to watch movies, plays and fights with his older brothers. He is also autistic.

I dislike when people say that autistic people are disabled. Although I understand why people say that and by definition it is Autism Spectrum Disorder. I however take a different view with my son.

He is able to see and interact with the world (and the people in it) very differently, very simply.

There is a beauty in that. I have learned so much by appreciating that fact. He doesn’t see how callus the world can be, how mean and unhappy people can be and are. His heart is still pure to that. He has not learned hatred, malintentions. He only knows to see the good in people even when those people do not reciprocate. He does not complain about how many friends he has, the popularity he has garnered. He can care less about social media. He likes to be around the people he knows care about him, teach and educate him, make him a better person. He makes being happy look easy in its simplicity.

My life like many working adults is not quite as simple. We do not have the luxury of being carefree due to the responsibilities we have on a daily basis. The stresses we have are constant while ever changing. When I see him sitting and shuffling his playing cards (which he uses to keep himself calm), I remind myself that we all need to decompress and appreciate the people around you. The ones that you help and help you. Sometimes, I lose sight of that.

He grounds me, helps me keep things in perspective. Helps me focus on what’s really important.

He teaches me to just live my life. Have a short and long memory for people. Keep life as simple as you can. Happiness starts and is maintained from within. Others only add (and subtract) color from your happiness. We allow this in order to have interactions with the very people who can literally suck the happiness from you. As people we allow this. Bryce on the other hand, doesn’t know that concept. He just wants everyone around him to be happy and will do what he can to facilitate that.

He shows me that there is not a lot needed to be happy. It being clear on what your actual needs are to be happy. He makes it look quite simple. He reminds me that being happy is both a decision you first have to make. Not everything is important and if you focus in on the most important things in your life, happiness usually follows.

He reminds me how subtly cruel and unaccomodating the world is around him.

He reminds me what compassion and empathy really is. What it really means to give without reciprocity. He has such a kind heart because he doesn’t understand hate, racism, bigotry nor none of the ills society has today. This blissful ignorance has a purity to it, a purity I hope does not change nor fade away as he becomes older. The reality is that I have and continue to teach him that not all people are nice.

People will take advantage of his kindness. When he does not get invited to school parties from his classmates, he does not get angry nor sad. He just thinks about what else can he do to entertain himself and be happy. He doesn’t know what popularity is, Facebook ‘likes’ and ‘friends.’ He is not concerned with those things unlike many others. Although I see the exclusion of him from many activities, he never focuses on what he cannot do or not participate in. He is always happy to participate in any way and is happy with any role. He is happy to ‘be’ and does not feel the need to ‘be what you want me to be.’ He’s no actor nor hypocrite. For me, this was a harder lesson.

We can find inspiration and knowledge from just about anywhere if we look close enough. It’s easy to think about all of the things I have done and provided for Bryce but the reality is, he has done so much more for me. He reminds me that all of the happiness you need can be found within. He’s living proof.